Edward Allen

Dear All,

It has been a good week, a really good week. I had another blood test on Wednesday and it showed my blood was normal again, the blood test on Saturday showed I had only about half as many white blood cells as I should have, so I was massively happy when the next test was good. I am getting better. But I am weak, even a mild virus leaves me feeling very poorly. It is time for a break.

I leave on Tuesday night to go back to the UK, and it will be so lovely to see everyone again and relax in front of my Parent’s massive log fire, drink warm milky tea, and be incredibly British once again. I meet very few British people here, every time I come back to the UK it is quite an adjustment. People are so strange in the UK, compared to Laos, so rude, and the women are so tall too. But after a few days I get used to it, a odd place where people turn up on time, everything is clean, and the roads don’t have holes in them.

But after a single day away from Laos, I’ll miss Laos. The truth is I’ve fallen in love with Laos. I described Laos to friend this week as being like a Siamese Cat: there is every possible reason to dislike it, but the sheer enormity of its personality becomes entrancing. You can’t be neutral about Laos, either you’ll hate it with a passion, as most Westerners do after a few years of living here, or you’ll find yourself loving even the bad stuff. I don’t like the bad stuff here obviously, and changing anything here, even a tire, is agonisingly difficult; as life here runs in slow motion. But I love it more with every day I’m here, even as I’m aware of even more reasons not to love it.

It has been a strange year, perhaps a rough year though I’m reluctant to call it that, but a year when I’ve grown up, calmed down, and given my all. And I’m clearly exhausted. The disease I’ve got it still hitting me hard, it flared up again mid-week, and I’m still in a great deal of pain. My doctor told me it is very hard to stop the inflamation where my tendons join my bones, it is very hard for them to find something that works for that, especially where my Achilles tendon joins my heal. The trend is in the right direction, I’m clearly massively better than I was, but there is still a little way to go yet.

I’m frustrated about not being able to do the things I want to do, I have to learn to be more patient, but in every way I’m making progress. I knew being in Laos was never going to be easy, I never knew that it was going to be this hard but I’d have never come if I did know. I left my house up-country in mid-September expecting to be away about 3 weeks or so and I’ve now been away over 3 months. I’ve kept sending up cans of catfood up, another 50 cans of Whiskers gets sent up tomorrow, so my cats remain generously fed. But I never had any idea I was getting this sick, and it is proving a much longer road back than I expected.

Singleness for me is tough, I’ve never hidden that, but I like who I’m becoming, I like how I’ve been changing. I don’t mind if I fail in Laos, but I know for sure I’m trying my best. And for some lucky girl I’m a great catch.

I’m happy. Weary but happy. I live a beautiful life, in a beautiful place and do a job I adore. I have amazing friends, strange diseases, and even stranger cats; it works for me. I get to travel to remote places on  Monday mornings and call it work, one day I’ll be found out…. It is a good life, and I’m incredibly grateful.

I don’t know for sure how long I’ll be in the UK, I’ll decide after I’ve been back there a few weeks and had more medical tests. I’m booked to fly back to Laos at the end of January, but my ticket is valid through until the end of March so we’ll see how my body is. I won’t rush back to Laos.

In the meantime, thank-you all of you, thank-you for being there when I needed you most, for being strong when I’ve been weak and for being the sweet and special people that most of you are.

Wishing you a wonderfully Happy Christmas,

love Ned