Edward Allen

Dear All,

The snow has finally cleared and with it has come cold heavy rains and heavy blankets of cloud, the days are dark and still and quite hard to adjust to. It seems the longer I live in Asia, the harder I find the adjustment back to the UK is.

I’m still caught up in lots of medical tests and doctors appointments, it is frustrating but necessary. The current medical thinking is that I have a Spondyloarthropathy of some kind (in America this is known as Spondylitis); Reactive Arthritis is a Spondyloarthropathy but I seem to have a few odd symptoms. I’ve got another doctors appointment and more tests this coming week in London, and together with the other tests things should become clearer in the next few weeks.

But it is frustrating, I’m getting better but getting better so slowly. The pain is still there and it is an uncomfortable pain as the tendon-bone join sites get sore so easily, but I am able to do so much more than I could a few months ago. I just wish I was getting better faster, but I’m not. It is going to take some more weeks, just resting, relaxing and drinking flagons of Earl Grey tea.

I’ve done most of my shopping for returning to Laos, I’ve purchased 4 pairs of trousers and about 600 tea bags which is roughly a years supply of both, though I drink an awful lot of tea so it might not be quite enough. I’ve purchased lots of books and about 4 pairs of boxer shorts, there are only a few things I can’t get in Asia in my size but these seem to be amongst them. Shoes are still difficult for me but there don’t seem to be many size 12 (US size 13, Europe size 47) sandals on sale at the moment, but that is probably not helped by there being snow on the ground for much of the last month.

The disabling issues with my illness are taking their toll, I wish I could swim and get in shape but I’m still some way from being able to swim without pain. And I’m still on a heavy drug load too. But everything is going right, all the things that need to happen in the UK whilst I am back are happening and I’m on track to meet all the people I need to meet. I’m managing to sort out my affairs slowly, and enjoy a lot of family time. It looks like I’ll be able to reduce my drug load next month, already I’m needing less pain killers and often manage now to sleep without taking a muscle relaxant.

British people are remarkable, I don’t know how they function with so little light on these dark winter days, they must share a gene with moles. It is making me feel very strange and unsettled, British people don’t see bright sunshine for weeks on end and still remain chilled out about it all.

I’m not feeling discouraged, but I am feeling unsettled. I am getting lots of rest, and doing exactly the good things I should be doing (not walking around too much, avoiding putting my body under much strain, even avoiding lifting things, but just giving my body a break), being home is healing and restoring. I’m bored that the story of the last 3 months has been about my health, I don’t like being ill and even more I don’t like being boring about being ill. I am a better person for having gone through this experience, I really needed to get perspective on my work in Laos, and what things actually matter to me. But I feel like a grounded pilot at the moment.

I don’t live in the UK anymore, I feel a bit of a stranger here, but it is the place I come from and remain deeply connected with. The longer I’m away from the UK, the less British I feel, but the more it feels it is important to do that which is right and proper and decent, and to stand up for the poor and oppressed. Indeed that is an essential character through the ages of being British, so whilst I feel less British as the days pass, the more British I actually am becoming.

It is a very very good start to the year…

lots of love,

Ned